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Wow it’s been so long. I’ve been so busy and I’ve been physically unwell.

Last year I lasted about 6 weeks pull free; which was incredible. But somehow I started pulling again. The therapy (CBT & Habit Reversal Training) gave me some control over trich; but in the end I just can’t seem to resist. So I have been pulling for the past 18 months have have not tried to stop myself at all. I’m not sure I can right now. I do feel really sad but it just controls me.

I spent about a year becoming more and more tired and eventually I had an operation which diagnosed Endometriosis. So I had that removed but am yet to see any improvements.

Thank you to everyone who is visiting this blog and leaving comments and stories; it means SO MUCH to me.

Love xxx

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After I read the TTM article on me; something just ‘clicked’ in my head and I stopped pulling. I still get the urge and my hand keeps searching for a hair to pull; but just as I go to pull, something stops me. I am just not sure what. It is so very strange.

I am feeling a bit happier at the moment so I think that has helped. Also with my mood improving; my anxiety levels have dropped. I am enjoying my (new!) job and my colleagues are lovely.

😉

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I thought I would write some ‘Top Tips for working with Trichotillomania (TTM) ‘ to help clinicians and health care workers when supporting a service user/TTM sufferer:

1. Do your research – read the wikipedia page to start with!
2. Know that if the person has told you about their TTM, they must trust you! Do not react with disgust or shock. Instead ask them how it felt to tell you and reassure them you will listen and be non-judgemental.
3. Keep in mind the individual will be ashamed and/or embarrassed.
4. Don’t ask them to show you their bald patches as this is embarrassing. (Unless they offer to show you!)
5. Reassure them that it is a common problem, lots of people do it and it’s not their fault. Remind them it may even be a genetic problem.
6. Encourage them to talk about their anxiety & coping mechanisms.
7. Gather them some information or encourage them to read about TTM on the internet. (Knowledge is power!)

Hope this helps!

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I have now had 29 sessions of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). We spent the first 10 or so sessions focusing on my hair pulling, working out triggers and talking about other coping mechanisms I could use to manage stress and self sooth. However it became evident during my sessions that my dissociation was high and was keeping me from connecting with emotions. It was decided we would work on this for a sizeable chunk of time. This was really helpful and brought down my dissociation. (We rated it each week out of 10). This enabled me to work on my emotions and to begin to feel them…something I have not done for a very long time.

I am still pulling but I am more aware of my pulling in that is less subconscious and I am able at times to stop myself. I am still aiming to be pull free.

I would say to anyone experiencing Trichotillomania to go and get help. Ask for CBT and Habit Reversal Training (which was used with me). Trichotillomania is confidence destroying and makes you feel worthless and stupid, but it’s so common and symptoms can improve!!

Thank you for all the lovely comments! I read all of them but sadly don’t have time to reply to all of them.

x

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A week and half ago I started pulling again after a month pull free. I site stresses at work and worries about friends as triggers. Two of my closest friends were admitted to hospital, one is well now but the other is still very unwell and I constantly worry about her. I also missed two therapy sessions (due to me being on holiday and the therapist being sick). I think all this combined has weakened my motivation? It’s pretty frustrating because I have lost control again and can’t seem to stop myself. I couldn’t bring myself to tell my therapist last week, thinking I could do it on my own. Evidently I cant. Hmm.

Tomorrow I shall try again.

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no joke….almost a month pull free! I honestly never believed I could do this, but I can and I AM. If I can do it, anyone can.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have the urge every single day, but I seem to be more aware of it then before. I know when I am doing it. I take a deep breath and stop myself. I have also found shouting at myself helpful too………!

I have also started ‘treating’ myself, that is giving myself little things and telling myself I deserve it. This is helping with self esteem and confidence. Try it, it helps.

Hope everyone is ok xxx

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I have made 17 days without pulling. I am so shocked. I cannot believe it. If I can do it anyone can.

I have had an unbelievably stressful week this week and yet I have not pulled. I have never had a day free since I was 13 (over half my life ago!)

I FEEL LIBERATED.

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Yep! Seriously; I haven’t pulled at all today too. I was at work too and I usually do it at work when I am stressed or at the computer, or both! Yesterday I accidently pulled one hair! So for four days I have only pulled two hairs! I am slightly shocked as I have only had three sessions now and only talked about trich for one and half sessions. Some kind of conciousness has awoken in me and I seem more aware of myself when I am about to pull and can stop it.

I have started to wonder if my therapist has pulled…purely because she seems to know a lot about trich. She asked if I bite the root, eat it etc. She also knew about searching for a particular type of hair.  More importantly she used trich language, ie talking about being ‘pull free’. She could have just done her research well but I am not so sure…but what ever, it doesn’t matter because CBT is really helping.

I looked up the service I am being treated at and found out it costs the NHS £139 per session. I  am honestly so shocked and part of me wonders if I am worth it, if I am taking up a space which someone who is iller then me could use. I guess that is just my anxiety speaking.

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something is working; I haven’t pulled AT ALL today!  I can’t believe it, this has never happened before!!!! The CBT must be working….

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YES!!!!!

That’s right,  8 months after my initial assessment and two and a half years since my referral, I have finally started having CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)! I feel so lucky that I can’t quite believe it is real! I have been offered between 10 and 20 sessions, all on the NHS. I have a CBT therapist in training, but this is ok with me. She seems quite competent.  I find it difficult talking to people near my age purely because I feel stupid that I am being treated by someone who could possibly also be in their 20’s and same age as me, however this is my own issue. I felt too scared to mention trich in the first session, but I managed to in my second session. I really had to force myself as I find it so embarressing to talk about. I am not even sure if I can bring myself to talk about the bit where I bite the root off. Ergh. My homework this week is to think about how I feel when I pull, what hairs I choose, what I am thinking at the time…This made me think; what hairs do you pull?

I always pull fairly short ones. But my usual thoughts are “oh I am pulling, STOP STOP STOP STOP” and eventually I stop. I am usually just sitting watching TV or on my computer at work. Sometimes I am anxious, sometimes I am just hungry.

I am scared to stop this habit as I am so embarressed by it and I would really like my hair to be thicker, however pulling my hair out is relaxing and feels nice. Part of me does not want to give up….

it is going to be quite a journey; considering I have other problems I should probably deal with too.