Posted by: glitterseason | October 24, 2010

mess

I broke. I self harmed on my arm for the first time in years.

I chose to do it, thinking about where I could hide it, where I could deal with it being seen, where I could DEAL WITH A SCAR.

It wasn’t impulsive but it was done to make me feel better. And it did, for all of 5 seconds. It is all so pointless and there really is no need for me to cut myself anymore, but I my depression is just getting worse. I haven’t told anyone, I am still wearing my ‘happy mask’. No one knows just how unwell I am; I’m amazing at covering up (in more ways than one!). I am pro-recovery but how can I get better without help? I have asked for help!! My doctor phoned me on Friday to update me on the CMHT situation, still nothing. She is trying to push for the referral, but seemingly getting nowhere!

I guess I make things worse as I am not 100% honest about my problems. I have never told my GP I self harm, despite having started at 10 years old…thats almost two decades of self-injury undocumented!

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Responses

  1. I ran across your blog today. While I can not relate to actually harming myself, I can relate to the comment you made about putting on your happy face.

    I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which is pretty much goes hand in hand with depression. I am on meds and everyone thinks I have this controlled but all the sadness is inside.

    I feel for you… 😦 Sending you hugs through the computer and hope your days get better.

    • *hugs to you too*
      my housemate was diagnosed with GAD when she was a teenager. She is much better now, facing her fears etc
      x

  2. Hi GlitterSeason,
    I do not self harm with knives or blades but i do suffer from Trichotillomania, another sort of self harm i suppose. Have u been diagnosed with depression by your doctor and taking the right medication? Depression is a terrible thing that can take over your life. I think you should be 100% with your GP, What “Harm” can it be. Im sure they have heard many stories similiar to yours. It is their job to help you out. Have you still being cutting yourself? please try your best to be positive. I know its hard.


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