Posted by: glitterseason | September 26, 2010

‘safe’ and ‘safe’

Sometimes I feel as though I am just living in a little ‘safe bubble’. I am ‘safe’ with my job and ‘safe’ with my relationship. But neither are what I really want but they are livable. I am so frustrated, I need to take a leap, or risk in order to change, neither of which have guaranteed results.

I HATE my job. I am sick of the people I work with, the ward I work on and the politics of working in the NHS and generally how every mental health nurse is incapable of having a conversation in English. Ok so that was a generalisation, I have met some excellent mental health nurses, but generally, the ones on my ward are just…..useless. I can’t stand going into work and decisions being made that I fundamentally DON’T AGREE WITH yet I have to go along with the team. Anyway, do I give up my career, take a pay cut and do something I actually enjoy? (don’t get me wrong, I love working with the patients, just not the staff).

My relationship. Basically I am with a man, I identify as bisexual but really, I feel I need to be in a relationship with a woman. But I am shamefully too scared and confused to do anything about it. I can’t talk about it in my counselling sessions as she has made it clear she doesn’t feel able to talk about the subject. I think it’s because she either has no knowledge or is religious. (Yes I have met healthcare professionals who don’t want to work with gay people because it is against their religion.) I can’t talk to her about pulling my hair out either.

I just feel so stuck. In a complete rut, I just want to hide for a while, so I can rest and get a hold of my mental health.

PS I STILL haven’t heard from the CMHT (Community Mental Health Team). It has now been 14 months since my referral. I may end up naming and shaming the NHS Trust on this blog. I told a colleague about my referral and he said that if it had have been a physical problem eg heart problems, and it had taken 14 months, then it probably would have been unheard of and probably hit the news. But with mental health, well it obviously isn’t that high on the agenda.



  1. Without wishing to be disrespectful to your blog, naming the Trust here is unlikely to be very shaming. It would be better to make a formal written complaint, or speak to a solicitor who specialises in NHS cases, or involve an independent advocacy service, or tell your story to a local journalist.

    You have a ‘counsellor’ who doesn’t feel able to talk about certain subjects? That is grounds for a separate formal written complaint. At the very least, in my opinion, find a competent counsellor.

    There is very definitely life outside the NHS, by the way.

    • Hiya, thanks for your comment! I won’t really name and shame, just a blog entry written in the heat of the moment! My counsellor is part of the staff support, meant to help with stress rather then er, on going mental health problems! She has really helped me but she does feel out of her depth. Which I respect. I am looking into alternatives though!

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