Posted by: glitterseason | January 18, 2010

Happy New Year!

Wow it has been a long time. I have been so busy..  still pulling out my hair though!

During the summer I really relapsed mentally. I was depressed and I was self harming again. I was denying it to myself and I lied to the therapist I was seeing. I was paranoid, thinking people were plotting behind my back, that people had hidden cameras in their badges at work and that someone was watching me through cameras hidden at work. I hid all these thoughts from people and it came to a head early september when I walked out of work so terrified and hysterical, I called my Mum and talked. I stopped myself from smashing my head against a wall. My behaviour was totally strange and it scares me that it spilled over into work. I work on a Mental Health ward and my own mental health affected my quality of care I delivered. I was referred to a Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) however they took three months to say they can’t treat me because I work in the service, so they referred me to another NHS trust. I have heard nothing. So we shall see what happens.

However, things have picked up, I am brighter, I am not so paranoid, I am not in that dark place anymore and I can honestly say I am not self harming anymore.

My hair pulling is still really bad…started wearing hats at work! It does help me to stop pulling.

I was shocked when I logged into my account, so many people sharing their thoughts and experiences, it’s so touching, can’t believe people are really reading about my experiences!!!

Love to you all

xx

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Responses

  1. What a brave blog you have! My situation is unique from yours somewhat. I don’t bite my hair. I’ve been cutting my hair. I was so embarassed by the bald spots, that I started cutting my hair instead of pulling it. It consumes hours of my time and my arms and wrists ache from segregating my hair and selecting which hairs I want to cut. I also twirl my hair for hours on end. I, too, have suffered from crippling depression.

  2. I just stumbled across your site at 4am while looking up hair pulling. My husband has been pulling out his “roots” like mad. He seems to act like its so powerful of a feeling. I don’t know where to turn to, he has been through 2 mental health professinals that he never told about the hair pulling because he was embarrased. Plus he didn’t like them. So anyway, his root pulling is getting worse and he continues to shave his head. He has very low self asteem, and is stressed abpout not working, he is out on a disablilty. He is scaring me because he has had stomach trouble and leg pain and he is very low in certain vitamins. I want to help him before he gets sicker. Any ideas?? I hope all goes well with you too, this is a tough battle.

    • Hi Kimberly. Does your husband eat his hair? That could make him really sick. If his self-esteem is low (ie: needs a job), then that might make him want to pull. If he pulls and eats, then that’s why he probably shaves. Obviously, he’s trying not to pull (and control his stress). Maybe vitamins, church, diet, and/or SSRI’s will help, depending on what you believe in. *Hope this helps someone.*

  3. Good to see you back 🙂

    Congrats on not self-harming and I’m sure your trich will start to improve as you move further away from that dark place. 🙂

  4. So wonderful, yet odd to feel at home here! I have been in denial for years about this pulling ‘habit’. You are so very brave to talk to people about this. It is not easy to do. I hope I can get the courage to do the same. But for now, its just me and the cat. Yes, he does watch me pull. I have no idea what he’s thinking.


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