Posted by: glitterseason | August 14, 2007

Depression

I have had depression for years and years. I am not sure when it first started or ‘came to visit’, but I was young. Trich came to visit though around the same time. I became withdrawn by the time I was 12 and by 13 I was considering suicide. I don’t know what caused it, perhaps it was friends difficulties, pressure from school, etc I am not really sure. I just know that whatever was going wrong in my head was wrong and that I had to keep it a secret. So I did.

I started gathering articles and information on depression, realising that it sounded just like me. After a difficult school trip to France, I told my friends I was finding things hard. They told me to pull myself together. What more could I expect? We were 14 years old. I made a fake recovery.

On leaving school and going to sixth form, I got a lot worse, I went downhill, but still managed to hide it from everyone around me.

I was pretty unwell throughout university and it wasn’t until this year that I finally sought help, after 10 years. I was diagnosed with ‘Clinical Major Depression’ and put on an Anti-Depressant (SSRI – go here for more information). I became more open about my problems with mood and told my family and friends. Everyone has been understanding, but I am not finding it easy being honest!!!

I believe depression will always be with me, not because I am pessimistic but because I am being realistic. Yes I am fully aware people recover but I also believe some people have a biological problem in their brain that will always need a bit of work!
I believe that depression has made me a better person, I am more understanding, creative and it has even directed my career. Oddly, I don’t wish I had never experienced it, obviously I would rather not have it, but its an experience and I believe everything happens for a reason.

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