Posted by: glitterseason | August 12, 2007

What it feels like to pull your hair out

I glance down at the floor to see a pile of hairs on my university notes. Shame sets in as I realised that once again I have sat pulling out my hair.

Pulling.

I have always liked people stoking my hair, it’s relaxing, maybe it goes back to when we were apes and groomed each other, I am not sure. But that feeling of fingers running through my hair is relaxing, sending me into an almost zombie/coma like state. Stroking my own hair is relaxing, but in a different way. Usually a state of restlessness builds inside me. Before long my left hand is in my hair, touching my scalp, searching for a single hair to pull. You see, I pull one strand at a time. Once I have found that hair…it is a quick tug and its pulled. Sometimes you see the follicle, the bigger the follicle the better the feeling of when it is pulled.

After

After I have pulled the first hair, I feel a sense of relief. Imagine you are holding your breath for a while and you breathe out, its a relief. It is the same for my hair pulling. But it’s never normally enough, so I pull again and again.

When does this happen?

Well often it happens to me when I am at my computer working. Usually because I have a spare hand to pull with. But it also happens when I am watching TV, out shopping, interviews, during therapy…etc etc. I often don’t know when I am doing it. This can cause embarrassment, mostly because people associate people scratching their head with head-lice. Making them think you are infectious!! Also it doesn’t really look too good when someone is continually scratching their head in public!

It doesn’t happen when I am out at a club or a concert. This is because I am involved in some kind of occupation, meaning that my hands are kept busy! I know this helps, but it isn’t realistic to be involved in meaningful occupation 24/7. (Yes I pull my hair in bed) Perhaps Occupational Therapy would be an appropriate intervention for someone like me? This is another topic I want to write about in more detail.

 How does it feel to have pulled out your hair?

Shame and frustration. I can’t stop but part of me likes the feeling….I will write more on this topic sometime.

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Responses

  1. I have the same problem!
    Even if it hurts to pull the hair out, it still feels really great. The doctor said it was compulsive disorder; however, I still don’t get why it’s so easy for me to pull whole follicle out.
    Aaahh, I so much want to shave so that I don’t touch my scalp and hair again

  2. I too have the same issue, I want to stop, but i cant. It’s such a bad habit.

  3. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2007/02/17/trichotillomania-treatment/ check out this link I found it really helpful and informative on the topic

  4. ohhh thank you, I will read that! x

  5. I have the same problem, I am 51 years old and have done this 3x in my life never longer than 3months I beleive its from anxiety but not for sure. I want to shave my head also .

  6. I’ve had it since I was about 8 years old…I’m 27 now. I’ve accepted it and just wear wigs all the time whenever I’m not doing it. I was in hospitals 8 years to 16 years old and was a lab rat on all kinds of meds. Nothing helps – ppl just tend to stop when they stop. I can even do it while asleep, or with gloves of with the non-dominant hand. It sucks because it also ensures you don’t let ppl get close to you as far as social situations are concerned but there really is no cure. Best thing you can do is to try to have some close friends that don’t care so that you don’t drop into depression. A pet helps too…

  7. My hair was really long and my per ants are not supportive at all the laugh at me and call me names


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